Reclaiming My Soft and Sensual Self. Year 33.
33.
This has been the best birthday week and Christmas
Christmas Day we grabbed Chinese food from downtown and headed over to visit with Mama. Mama is navigating Parkinsons and Dementia and at times we are operating in different dimensions of time/space/reality. Coordinating travel gets tricky at times ;). Miller and I set up in the family room of the nursing home, turned on the new “Best Man”. When she came into the room she was a bit surprised to see us with our Santa hats.. We enjoyed a low key dinner that we did not have to prepare or stress over. She was in heaven. So was I.
Just the week before, we took advantage of the holiday setup in the nursing home foyer to take our family holiday pictures. The year prior, we were unable to gather for the Christmas holiday with mama. We had just moved her into a 24-hour care facility and a covid outbreak hit right after Thanksgiving. We were separated well into the new year before the facility regained control.
To be able to be together this year feels really special. I wanted to capture this moment in our history. I couldn’t help myself, nearly in tears during our photo session. I looked at Miller with pride and said “we did it,baby”. Who knew I’d be craving these very tender family moments and seeing my success, our success in this over contracts, deals, new revenue and material goals. Being able to take family photos. My heart just soared.
I woke up on my birthday, the day after Christmas, I sat and looked out the window and took a full deep breath. I love being able to look out the window and take in vast bodies of water and mountains. My body felt a sense of relaxation and stillness.
It felt new. Like… you know when you feel a sense of purpose but there is no urgency or required action at the moment? That place.
This feels like a space of relaxation that has been earned in a very odd way. Being with the body. Being with the body in gentle ways - in ways that remind me that I am worthy of pleasure, rest, ease and peace has been the goal.
I have been diligent about finding these points of connection that don’t evoke force, punishment and fear this year in my movement and wellness journey. Consistently coming back to a softer perspective and strategy has allowed me more room to grow and be curious about my body and what it needs.
I feel stronger.
I feel more connected to what my body needs.
I feel more aligned with my values.
I feel a sense of belonging.
I feel embodied in my truth.
I feel myself shedding and growing.
All week I’ve been showered with exquisite dinners with friends, beautiful gifts from my spouse and ample space to indulge. I can feel the depth of this love and this magic much more palpably than years before.
The best part was joyfully going for a thirty minute walk with pup and my music. And having less pain while walking and actually enjoying the walk and the fresh air. Never, has this been accessible for me in such a joyful way. And that feels so good to experience again..
My commitments this year to gentle nourishment and rebuilding through chronic pain and injury have truly paid off. And for that I am in wonder and awe.
My body feels like my own. I feel at home.
See you on the dance floor,
Rashida