From Lingerie to Self Love: Navigating Caregiving
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We are preparing to move, and with all moves, cleaning out all the crevices of your home comes with it. We have been knee-deep in Pinterest, Ikea planning trips, and a tizzy of nerves - good nerves, though. It feels so unreal to think that we have been living on the west coast for nearly four years now. At one point in my life, this felt like a distant dream. To have had the opportunity to share this vision with my husband and my mom makes it a sweet memory to savor. We are both looking forward to the new energy and the opportunity to pour into our home sanctuary.
As I was going through my things to sort, making piles of things to throw out, donate, sell, etc., I found that one dresser full of my lingerie, dancewear, and sexy little things. As I was pulling the pieces out one by one, I found that most of my items were being set aside for the keep pile, even though I originally thought it was time for a much-needed overall. I found that I had a deeper connection to the pieces than I originally thought.
Maybe it’s the question that I get so often when it comes to caregiving: How do you make space for yourself? What about your marriage? What about sex? I have to chuckle sometimes as I see new caregivers frantic, and rightfully so, about the big changes that are ahead in their lives as they begin to take on the journey of being with a loved one. These just aren’t things that we are socialized to speak about, let alone express out loud that we are worried about not having privacy to have sex or hell, a private conversation.
When Mom first fell ill at the top of the pandemic in July 2020, we flew home the night that we received the call and got right to the hospital. Seeing my girl all banged up like that rocked my whole world. I was afraid, terrified, let’s be honest. I was just barely 30 and looking at a very new reality about my life with my mom. They had taken Mom to do some testing, and while she was out, I dropped into a five-minute messy movement practice.
And I kept dropping into that practice over the next three years. Five minutes at a time, making space for my body to unwind. Five minutes at a time, connecting to something that made me feel yummy. Five minutes at a time, relieving the stress that would inevitably build. Five minutes at a time, allowing myself to prioritize whatever my body needed most. Those lingerie pieces came with me, from my personal practice to dancing in the kitchen while making breakfast and all the way to class and performance. Each piece transcended my body and my attention into a different dimension in time where pleasure was not optional but life-sustaining.
I know that calming the body and finding a way to prioritize time with yourself can be challenging before we throw any of the other barriers into the equation. Trust me, when I urge and encourage you all to get up and find your five minutes or carve out a couple of hours in your week for your care, I am also challenging myself to do the same. I am also asking myself to put aside every objection, excuse, and reason not to have this alone time with myself, my body, and God. Through all that we have overcome individually and collectively in these past few years, we owe it to ourselves to take what’s rightfully ours. We deserve to prioritize the thing that will provide longevity to the mind, body, and spirit.
So I told you about my dresser full of lingerie that I put aside “for keeps” in our move. I’m going to challenge myself to find a couple of minutes a day to slip into one of those pieces and remember, even if just for and remember even if just for five minutes that pleasure is my fuel, not a reward.
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