Choosing Not To Die in The Disappointments.

The Messy Movement series has given me the space to remember that something more is always possible.

Let me repeat those words:

Something more is always possible.

Our stories never end in defeat, loss, hopelessness or fear.

I can tell you as a survivor living with complex trauma (something I want to talk more with you all about soon)

I felt the looming sense of danger in my body.

My body had to always be prepared for the worst.

Otherwise, I will be obliterated by it(“the worst”) if I had spent too much time being or feeling hopeful about what could happen.

I’m sure we have all heard the saying “don’t let yourself get too excited” or “waiting on the other shoe to drop”.

Throughout my teen and young adult years, I struggled to make sense of montage of thoughts and distressful thoughts that I was experiencing. Those around me also didn’t have the language or understanding to guide me in a direction that wasn’t first filled with shame and self-blame for not working hard enough to be relaxed, happy and easy-going.

I desperately tried hard to “stop caring” and to “just go with the flow” but I never was able to cease the endless thoughts that left me feeling open to possible attack.

This, my friends is 1/8 of the experience of a person who lives with (complex) +/ post-traumatic stress disorder.

A constant feeling of reaching for that best feeling experience but your body feels trapped or caught in an endless cycle of repetive unwanted thoughts. \

It was dance and clinical theraputic support that allowed me to reclaim the parts of myself from past timelines so I could live a full life today.

When I was left, actively fighting the painful memories and reminders from traumatic experiences of the past without refuge my mental health and wellness began to spiral. I needed anchors in my current and present space to remind me that I am safe, I am protected and it is safe for me to be my whole big self without constant fear.

In times of great distress, grief, tension and heartache, our circumstances can feel quite overwhelming to the body.

And this is why it is so critical to have an active practice of safely coming back to the body for restoration ,relief and remembering.

If you are currently working with a therapist I highly suggest talking with them about your desire to incorporate movement into your self-care practice for healing.

Bring them along the ride for your messy movement journey so they can actively support you in creating safety plans, identifying and discussing any triggers as they may arise in the practice and accountability to continue to integrate the work into your day to day life.

And if you’re ready to make pleasure a priority in your life come join us for The Messy Movement four-week online sensual dance series. All classes are held online so you can join us anywhere you call home.