25 Signs of Disconnection From The Body and How To Reconnect To Your Voice and Power.
Can you even conceive of your own personal paradise? In the Douay-Rheims Bible translaion (1752) this place (The Garden of Eden) is referred to as a Garden of Pleasure. Genesis 2:8 “And The Lord God planted a paradise of pleasure from the beginning”. I love that language , “planted a paradise of pleasure from the beginning”. From the beginning, God intended pleasure to be our resting place and sanctuary..from the beginning.
-Rashida Webb-Miller
A Return To Pleasure, Page 131
A Sensual Self-Care Guide with no bullsh*t or quick fix gimmicks.
This guide will make you feel more connected to your body, move through sexual shame and unleash your full erotic potential! You'll learn how to cultivate more space for pleasure in your life, feel less stifled by past traumas and move forward into the new you. Paperback Edition of the Book.
Description
A Return To Pleasure is a guide for feminine-spectrum people who crave to unlearn the harmful messages of shame, restriction and fear that we've been taught to value around our bodies, sex, and the rest.
As we feel the call to make more space for pleasure in our lives we surrender to a journey of bringing awareness to the places where we have felt stagnant for far too long so those experiences can be shifted.
In this guide I take you on a journey through my own act reclaiming the erotic as holy and integral to my aliveness after trauma.
Many people will see the word "erotic" and freeze. They'll see erotic and holy in the same sentence and likely roll their eyes.
However, in my life This playground between sexuality + spirituality is the space where I have been confused, afraid, unraveled and rebirthed many times over in my life.
It's the place where I was strugglong as a Black Queer Girl growing up in The Black Church experience.
I felt a deep conflict between the God that I wanted to believe loved me unconditionally, and the fear I felt around embracing my identity amidst continuous rejection and isolation.
I had to choose between my faith and staying alive.
Leaving “the church” saved my life and led me to search for a relationship with God that felt intimate. A place where I could be all of me.
In all my searching, I kept coming back to dance...erotic dance. I felt the spirit surrounding me every time I allowed myself to be vulnerable in this way and move.
Coming into that space with my body, just for me and no one else, was the sanctuary that I had been searching for desperately.
To truly be tapped into the erotic means to be able to able to feel. The good, the ecstatic, the not so good, the painful, the blissful - the full spectrum. To be able to bring all of yourself into the space unguarded.
Audre Lorde tells us explicitly, “The erotic is a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos of our strongest feelings. It is an internal sense of satisfaction to which, once we have experienced it, we know we can aspire. For having experienced the fullness of this depth of feeling and recognizing its power, in honour and self-respect we can require no less of ourselves. ” Uses of The Erotic, Audre Lorde August 25, 1978
When we shift we understand "make pleasure a priority" isn't a cute self-help phrase but a life-saving measure.
Pleasure is our fuel, not a reward. - Rashida Webb-Miller
I think alot about the ways in which disconnection creates a cycle of longing in our lives. Disconnection is not something we should run from but an experience that we should observe within our lives and allow it to teach us what it is that we are truly wanting from each day. I know all too well how life circumstances can push us further and further away from experiencing pleasure.
It is common sense that when we are hurting, tired, uncertain, afraid we are going to lean towards the emotional experiences that keep us safe and feeling less vulnerable. Oftentimes, sporadic pleasure can leave us second guessing or feeling too exposed and it doesn’t feel like a safe place to rest our wings. When we cultivate a relationship with pleasure consistently, we retrain the muscle memory to understand that expansion is safe, openness is safe, orgasmic delight is safe and not something that we have to run from.
What is muscle memory?
Looking to this concept with a somatic lens, we’re thinking about the ways in which the body remembers it’s points of safety and survival. This happens through repetition, memories and events that leave a psycho-somatic imprint on the nervous system. For example, when someone mentions a particular event in your life and feel sensations from that event in certain parts of your body.
My chest feels a slight heaviness when people mention the day my mom passed
or
I feel a tingling sensation when I hear a certain song my husband and I listened to when we first got married.
These are nervous system responses to emotional activation.
When we find a sense of awareness around the way the body responds to these points of activation, we are able to retrain the nervous system to reach for something else. Maybe you find yourself in these moments wanting to avoid the conversations, withdrawing from intimacy or connection or even hyper-focusing on the past or even worries about the future. Regardless of how you respond, there’s always room to shift. You can reawaken the body with gentle shifts and learn ways to embrace a new energetic approach. This is the root of The Messy Movement practice, allowing movement to help us shift our focus from fear to love, from anxiety to relief, from worry to peace, from disconnection to embodiment.
As I shared above disconnection is not something we should seek to avoid, we must use it as contrast to the life that we are wanting to call in.
What are some ways disconnection from the body can manifest?
Poor body image
Feeling uprooted in life without direction
Depression, anxiety, fear
Loss of control of emotions
Loss of hope in future
Helplessness in situations
Personal power story feeling disrupted
Feeling obstacles representing in life
Challenges with intimacy with self
Locked in a spiral of shame
Challenges connecting with your spouse
Lack of sex drive
Health challenges
Spiritually undone
Loss of joy in things you use to enjoy
Not going after opportunities that would help you reach your goal
Not feeling connected to community
Isolation from care and resources
Poor circulation
Nerve pain challenges
Feeling inhibited and resentful
Grief that feels unmovable
Never finishing what you start
Feeling uncertain that you are capabale of achieving your heart’s desires
Letting yourself stew in negative self-talk
What do we experience when we shift from disconnection to embodiment?
Body acceptance, body confidence
Grounded, centered, focused
Contentment, calmness, peace
Emotional regulation, composure
Optimism, hopefulness, belief in the future
Empowerment, resourcefulness, ability to cope
Feeling empowered, aligned with your purpose
Seeing opportunities for growth, overcoming challenges
Self-compassion, self-love, self-acceptance
Self-forgiveness, self-worth
Intimacy, emotional connection
Healthy libido, sexual desire
Overall health and well-being
Feeling connected to a higher purpose, inner peace
Finding pleasure and fulfillment
Proactive, taking initiative
Belonging, sense of connection
Social support, access to help
Good circulation, healthy blood flow
Pain-free, comfortable
Expressive, open
Healing, acceptance
Following through on commitments, achieving goals
Confidence in your abilities, self-belief
Practicing positive self-affirmations, self-compassion
Tell me in the comments. What are some ways that you are looking to challenge disconnection in your life? What experiences do you crave to cultivate this summer?
Looking for support in coming back home to your body? Check out some of the programs we have to offer and don’t hesitate to reach out if you have questions support@themessymovementlab.com
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