three tips on giving yourself space to thrive in intimacy.
Messy Movement is a 75-minute sensual dance class designed to help feminine-spectrum people feel stronger in the body, decrease stress and increase confidence embodying the sexual self through movement. In just twelve weeks you will have a different relationship to your body, self-intimacy and intimacy with your partner by using our signature lifestyle method to prioritze pleasure daily.
Join me for my Sensual Movement For Beginners Virtual Class
Prioritize your self-care, joy and pleasure.
Our understanding of our sensuality + sexuality is an autonomous practice that exists in our lives independent of our romantic relationships. This relationship with sensuality will look very different from person to person. Regardless of where you land on the spectrum, having time and space dedicated solely to yourself as you explore themes around the body and desire is crucial to showing up in your intimate spaces with confidence, clarity, and vulnerability.
Here at The Messy Movement Lab, we call this ritual of coming back into the body Self-Intimacy. Self-intimacy is an interconnected ritual + practical tools that allow you to reconnect to the body in a way that feels generous and expansive.
Here are some reflections on self-intimacy for you to consider:
Self-intimacy allows me to build a relationship with my desires, needs, and challenges through frequent exploration and conversation.
Self-intimacy allows me to spend time exploring my body as a conversation so I can better communicate my needs in shared intimate settings.
Self-Intimacy reminds me that my pleasure first belongs to me.
Self-intimacy reminds me that I am allowed to experience ecstasy and deep pleasure in my body regardless of my relationship status.
Self-intimacy reminds me that I get to write the rules and challenge old narratives that no longer fit my life.
When we want to create a pathway to intimacy with our loves, we must anchor ourselves in these truths. The more depth or closeness we desire in shared spaces, we must explore that space within our personal practice.
When we want to create a pathway to intimacy with our loves, we must anchor ourselves in these truths. The more depth or closeness we desire in shared spaces, we must explore that space within our personal practice.
How are you tending to your body?
How are you listening to your desires?
How are you making space for things that make you feel exquisite?
How are you asking for your needs or figuring out a strategy that works for you/your life/relationship?
Do the same things still turn you on now?
Has your tastes changed?
What electrifies you right now?
What things feed your imagination and sense of playfulness?
These are just starter questions that we must consistently ask ourselves to truly honor all ourselves in this space of sharing our bodies + our love + our lives with another.
Click here to register for the 4-week online Intro to sensual dance course.
Some final thoughts I want to leave you with:
When you can't see your own needs or desires, you are more likely to bend and shapeshift to others' needs, whether they align with what you want or not. And while this may work for a short period it's a road to deep unfulfillment, "losing yourself," and regret.
If your pleasure is only ever a light switch for someone else's s gratification, this will leave you in a cycle of feeling like the toy on the shelf. You get done up, dusted off, looking "presentable," you catch their attention, you get the validation of being wanted, there's a nice high for a bit of time and then the crash. You know want more than inconsistent intimacy, but you haven't valued your experience and connection to your sensuality outside of engaging it when someone is paying you attention. After the crash, there's little to no engagement after - not in the ways you crave, and nothing changes until you throw yourself back into the cycle again.
When your sensuality is intrinsically linked to another person, you ultimately tie your creative life force energy into something outside of yourself. If there's anything that we want you to grasp first, it's that tapping into this energy of the erotic is about self-renewal, self-regeneration, self-healing, and being full first. Every other person or experience must add to the pot, not deplete. And when we only tap into our sensual self when again someone validates us, we lose sight of the real power that we inherently have in our bodies.
If I live by the rules, everyone else decided for me... I never get to activate my most profound imagination about the life I truly want. If i'm always beholden to everyone else's expectations, but they are not the people who have to live with those choices - I do. I cannot relinquish my life over to anyone. It is up to me to decide how I will and much I will enjoy that living.
If this resonates with you and you're ready to:
Feeling more connected to your body.
Building trust with your erotic body.
Challenging old stories of sexual shame.
Get clear about what you want and desire.
Putting an end of running on a tank of fumes.
Making pleasure fit into the messy parts of life.
Reclaiming the story around our sexuality.
We want you to join us for Sensual Movement For Beginners begin your journey into sensual and sexual sovereignty. Click here to register today
Prioritize your self-care, joy and pleasure.
See you on the dance floor,
Rashida KhanBey Miller (she/temptress)
ceo at The Messy Movement Lab