Knowing What You Crave
Knowing you need support in pleasure + self-care + confidence. It’s okay to not feel comfortable in your body and also know there are safe ways to come back to this experience.
I asked for help recently. I know that sounds so simple but I just want to pause in celebrating myself for at least attempting not to keep doing all the things on my own.
As a full-time caregiver to my mother post-stroke, it’s been challenging to navigate all the tasks that need to be done, find time for myself and manage her everchanging care needs with patience and flexibility. As we become a multi-generational West Coast family, we have to be good stewards over the assets of our estate as our family grows.
I needed someone to pass some keys along to a contractor in the city. Mind you- I’ve held off on this task for over a year due to uncertainty and not wanting to bother with asking for help.
At the time, perfection of the execution and details was more important to me than simply asking for support. Getting help would mean getting to the end goal more efficiently and with less stress.
Can you think about times in your own life where you paused in asking for help?
Think of the scenario now and ask yourself why?
I was stuck in a cycle. Tell me if this resonates....
My personal fuel tank is moderately full, I feel a boost of energy in completing my daily tasks, responsibilities/ decisions, something comes at me hard and fast left field (be it an actual event or internal reprocessing) and suddenly I am down for what feels like a lifetime, I move through the sticky and heavy energy of guilt for not having done better in my performance, I overcompensate to try to make up for what was lost or restore back to balance, I find some sense of success in the things getting done again and I’m back to moderately full.
This is similar to the way many of my clients handle getting back to their more confident self and connection to their experience pleasure.
You feel pretty full of passion and energy for life.
You’re getting things done, you feel a deep sense of success throughout your day-to-day life.
Something unexpected taps your shoulder and all hell breaks loose.
You feel disappointed in not being able to maintain under the pressure.
You press yourself to do better and work harder next time to be more confident.
You push yourself to overperform without honoring the tiredness, grief, or transition.
The performance only holds up for so long and you feel discouraged once again because you feel burn out on the way.
There is no shame in being able to say - the tactics that I have just aren’t working to get my desired experience or result...
Did you hear that?
My approach to solving the problem is not getting me what I want.
So the question isn’t how do you do better?
Where did you go wrong?
It’s not even what could you do differently?
The real question is …
do you know what you want?
do you know how that place feels?
do you dwell there?
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