Day 7/14 : When Desire Teaches You Discernment

When I imagine choosing desire again without it costing me my life, my peace, my stability, what shifts in my body?

I feel an immediate sense of joy.

It feels ethereal to think of desire that doesn’t cost you.

I haven’t experienced it yet.

But my assumption is that it will be one of joy.

It will be one of great, great healing.

What does desire feel like now in my body?

Desire feels like an exploration.

It feels like possibility.

It feels like fuel.

There’s remembering there.

There’s power there.

Even when it scares you, you have to lean into the thing that you know your heart wants the most.

Is there a part of me that learned not to want too much because wanting led to disappointment or harm?

Yes.

I learned to not need much.

I needed the basics.

I didn’t press to have much.

I didn’t press to do a lot.

When I started asking for things beyond basic needs and more into the territory of desire for exploration, that’s when I started meeting fear.

Fear that when you ask for things, you are disappointed.

Fear that harm follows.

For a long time, it didn’t feel like I could explore desire without my life falling apart.

At some point, it felt like in order to step into desire, I had to give up the life I was living in order to move forward into the next timeline.

What does it mean to be honest with myself about what I want now?

It’s a lot of sifting.

It’s a lot of saying no.

It’s seeing things that look exciting, but when you slow down and let the excitement settle, you realize it’s the same old story in a different package.

I’m not interested in the same old stories with a different package.

I want a completely different experience.

I want more.

Better.

Something else.

What do I want someone reading this to understand about desire?

Desire is energy.

It’s a compass.

It’s how you know you’re alive.

Desire is yearning.

It’s longing.

It’s envisioning something other than what is.

To desire a new job.

To desire a new home.

To desire travel.

To desire love.

To desire a future that doesn’t exist yet.

That is power.

Desire is risky for a body that only knows safety.

Because desire means exploration.

Desire means rejection.

Desire means a possible no.

It is the growth edge of our psyche and our spirit to experience desire wholly for ourselves.

If you are noticing desire returning but want to stay anchored in your body while it does, you can learn more about the six week series here.