Day 11: What happens when you don’t have a voice around your sexuality/desire/intimate self?

What happens when you don’t have a voice around your sensual self?

So much of your experience of sex, of your body, of desirability, of desire, gets filtered through someone else’s lens. And when you haven’t taken the time to learn what those experiences are for you — how things feel for you, what you enjoy, what you don’t enjoy, what you hope for — when you don’t know those things, it’s significantly harder to communicate to a partner what it is that you actually want.

A lot of what people are avoiding around their sexuality isn’t the pleasure. It’s the shame, anxiety, fear, and pain that comes with stepping into the territory. When you don’t already have a foundation for yourself around what your values are sexually, how you desire to show up, how you want to be treated, what experiences you want to have, then you likely have sexual experiences that are all over the place. Your experience of intimacy with your partner is hot and cold.

You don’t have a real connection to what it means to be erotic outside of sex with another person. And that makes the experience seem like there’s only so much that you can do or explore or have. Not knowing the depth of that power — in a way that’s personal and intimate and spiritual and sacred — it’s easy to devalue it. It’s easy to make it trivial.

Our movement practice is a way to get us out of those trauma responses that often come up when we are faced with experiences that we don’t know how to navigate, or when we’re faced with experiences that have in the past been distressful or harmful or created a sense of uncertainty or fear in the body.

What I’ve done over the last fifteen plus years is investigate the way women and feminine spectrum people show up in their bodies, especially when it comes to embodying their sensual self, and using that as information to understand where there’s room for expansion, where there’s room for growth, where there’s room for a new story to emerge — so that she can experience more goodness in her body, in life, in the bedroom with her partner, in intimacy, in her confidence, in the way that she feels in her body.

All of those things are interconnected. And when we don’t have a relationship to that source of energy — where it stems from and how it’s refueled and recharged — when we don’t have a connection to that, it makes everything else a bit dreary and not as enjoyable of a practice to entertain.

My goal isn’t to make you a more sexual person. My goal isn’t to change your beliefs, especially if you have deeply held religious beliefs. Those are things you have to decide for yourself, if that’s something that you’re wanting to expand or explore or move beyond. That’s a personal decision.

What I am here to do is help you take some of the weight and pressure off of what it means to be in your erotic self, for you to experience it in a way that feels healing and that helps you remember something about you. And that may or may not be connected to sex. It’s very possible that it could be. But at the end of the day, it’s information that you need to have about you.

That’s what I’m here to do — help you get to learn yourself in a more intimate way.

Self-intimacy. Let’s go.